I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
