my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
