My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
