Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
