he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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