Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
