if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
