woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
