i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
