there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
