Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
