Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
