I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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