.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
