I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
