I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
