Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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