what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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