that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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