fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They took my balls.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
