Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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