I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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