Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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