why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
