1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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