Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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