No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
