got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
