This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want a musical about memes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
