shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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