I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
