yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Only a mothe r could love this liver
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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