he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were trust falling into bushes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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