You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
