When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
