all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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