i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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