if you like me you must not know who I am
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
