I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
should my penis look like a turkey
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
