Redeem this text for a blowjob
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
