I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
