I skipped work to stalk him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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