dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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