She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize