You kept calling me your small dog last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
