It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
