i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
