Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
