Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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