Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
