ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
