did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
