if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
