I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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