My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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