I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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