No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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