So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
