i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
