All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
