He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize