I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
