He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
