i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
