VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
