This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
