sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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