SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex on a dog bed..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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