So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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