She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
