My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do herpes really smell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
