Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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