I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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