apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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