The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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