Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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