Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
