that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
