So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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