hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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