stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
