i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
