I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
