I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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