Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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