i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
