I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
